But Life Happened
by AParselmouthsPatronous
Summary: This is it. The final battle. The end of it all. And Merlin knows that. But is that all it's the end of? Originally called 'If I'd Have Lived'. WARNING - CHARACTER DEATH. Includes BAMF!Merlin. Reveal fic. Set post series 4. Spoilers for anything before that.
1. If I'd Have Lived

**Hey guys! Proper AN at the bottom**

**Disclaimer (robotic, monotonous tone) I do not own Merlin**

**warning - character death**

**Right! Now the boring bit's out of the way, on with the fic!**

**But Life Happened**

If I'd have lived, it would have been different. I no doubt would have been imprisoned, at least for a bit. And if Arthur had been being _really _stupid, he may have even tried to execute me. Of course, I say tried. He wouldn't have succeeded. I would have just escaped, and helped from the sidelines. In secret.

But none of that can ever happen now.

Because of That Day, when everything happened.

That Day had started perfectly normally. I woke Arthur up, as usual, and then quickly dodged a goblet, as usual. I told him that he had a council meeting that morning, and he groaned, as usual.

What was not as usual was when a messenger ran into the hall, half way through the meeting, telling us that Morgana's army had been sighted, and was no more than half a day's march away, at most.

Immediately everyone sprang into action. Arthur started barking orders at me to fetch his armour, Gwen rushed to help Gaius with setting up somewhere to help the injured that there would no doubt be, and I, I just made sure that I had full access to both my magic and the dragons. I had a feeling that this battle was going to be significant. That the war between Morgana and Arthur, and indirectly me, would end today. I just didn't know what the cost would be.

An hour later we were all ready. Looking back now, I sort of wish there had been a delay of some sort, but I suppose the end result would have been the same anyway. Especially if it was destiny.

Arthur had decided that we should march out to meet Morgana, rather than wait for her to come to us. That way she wouldn't be able to take us by surprise, he said, and less damage would be done to the castle.

If I'd have lived, I would have fixed any damage done to the castle anyway.

We lined up on a field, facing the opposing army, a few miles from Camelot. Arthur at the front, with me at his side, facing Morgana at the head of her army. I leant over to Arthur

"Whatever happens today" I told him "Please don't think too badly of me for it."

"Don't be such an idiot" he told me "I know more about you than anyone. You're not going to surprise me."

I said nothing

I felt so guilty for deceiving him like this. But one way or another, he would know soon. For good or for bad, for better or for worse, he would know. And that thought scared me almost as much as the thought of the upcoming battle.

By now, Arthur was almost directly in front of Morgana. They had stepped forward to meet each other, and almost subconsciously, I had followed. But no-one had expected anything else. You never found one of us without the other, and we had finally, after much prompting from the knights and Gwen, acknowledged our friendship. We had a strong bond, almost like brothers (but neither of us would ever admit to _that_), and I just hoped that the truth wouldn't destroy that bond.

Arthur spoke. "May the best Pendragon win" he said.

Morgana sneered. "Indeed."

We walked back to our respective armies, the air full of anticipation for the battle ahead. I reached out to the dragons with my magic, and told them to fly just out of sight, for now.

Arthur spoke to his knights, just some brief words of encouragement, and Gwaine came up to me and slapped me on the back. "Good luck protecting the princess" he told me "I reckon you're going to need it. Even with that…..talent of yours"

I looked up at him sharply. He just winked and walked off, back to his place in the lines, ready for battle. I suppose I wasn't really too surprised. I had expected someone to work it out sooner or later, and it hardly surprised me that it had been Gwaine. He was more perceptive than most people thought, and people spoke more freely around someone who was supposedly drunk all the time.

Both sides were now ready. They were tense, both waiting for the other to make the first move. Then, all of a sudden, Morgana waved her arm, and a dozen balls of magic flew through the air towards our army. Great. The enemy had magic users. There was a sudden panic, as the soldiers saw no way of avoiding the spheres. This was it. Showtime.

"Please don't hate me" I said to everyone in the area, particularly Arthur, before thrusting my hands out in front of me, and creating a wall of energy which I sent towards the enemy, wiping out the magic in it's path. I no longer needed incantations to make my magic work, it was so powerful.

There were some shocked cries behind me, and a low "I knew it!" from Gwaine.

I didn't turn round, partly because I didn't want to see the betrayed look I was sure would be on Arthur's face, but also partly because I had bigger problems on my hands.

Morgana looked at me furiously. "YOU!" she said "You have magic! AND YOU DIDN'T TELL ME! WHEN I WAS HAVING THOSE DREAMS, YOU DIDN'T TELL ME! NO, INSTEAD YOU POISONED ME! YOU _HYPOCRITE_!"

I was shocked. Morgana thought I poisoned her because she had magic? She really thought that little of me? I will admit I was a little hurt, even though we hadn't been friends for years.

"You think that's why I did it?" I asked softly "That was never the reason" I told her "Ever. I wouldn't do something like that to anyone. Not Ever. Especially since, like you said, it would make me a hypocrite." I paused for a minute, while Morgana looked shocked. No actual fighting had been done yet, and everyone was watching us.

I continued. "I poisoned you because you were the vessel for the spell that was sending everyone to sleep. It was the only way!" I pleaded "I didn't want to do it! I wanted to help you! I honestly did! But…"

"But what?" she snarled "Why should I listen to you anyway. You _lied_ to me. About my magic. About _our _magic!" I flinched "Why should I listen to you now?" she asked.

"Because the Morgana I knew is still in there, somewhere." I told her insistently. "I'm sure of it"

"Enough of this" she said. "You're probably not very good anyway, knowing you. That's why you didn't tell me. You were embarrassed! Let me show you how the _real_ magic users do things."

I was fed up of this by now. I was sick and tired of her big words and fancy statements. And making assumptions all the time. It was time I set her straight.

I summoned some wind to lift me a few feet off the ground, and called the dragons to me. They landed with two large thumps, causing the armies to scatter in alarm. When I spoke, I added a bit of power to my voice, so that all could hear me.

"MORGANA PENDRAGON!" I yelled "I AM THE WARLOCK, BORN WITH MAGIC, TO PROTECT CAMELOT. I HAVE MORE POWER IN MY LEFT HAND THAN YOU DO IN YOUR _ENTIRE BODY_! IT IS MY DESTINY TO PROTECT THE ONCE AND FUTURE KING, ARTHUR PENDRAGON."

I gestured to him, turning around as I did so, looking at him for the first time since everything had changed. He looked shocked, but also a little proud. That confused me. Why would he be proud? I turned back to look at Morgana, who had a shocked look on her face. Oh well. In for some, in for all. I continued.

"ARTHUR PENDRAGON" I said again. Then I lowered my voice, though everyone could still hear me.

"Who will unite the land of Albion, and be the greatest king this land has ever had." I raised my voice again. This was it. No more secrets.

"AND I WILL HELP HIM, IF IT IS THE LAST THING I DO. EVEN IF HE KILLS ME FOR IT, I WILL HELP HIM. FOR I AM THE LAST DRAGONLORD, THE SON OF BALINOR. I KILLED NIEMUH AND CORNELIAS SIGAN. I SLEW YOUR IMMORTAL ARMY, MORGANA. I HAVE A DESTINY TO FULFIL. AND YOU, MORGANA PENDRAGON, ARE STANDING IN MY WAY." I paused to give my final statement more effect.

"I AM _EMRYS_!"

There was a shocked silence on the field. No-one moved. We all just stood there. Then Morgana screeched

"NO! You _cannot _be Emrys. He is an old man. Nice try, but I call your bluff, Merlin. You are _not _Emrys." She started to laugh.

"Oh believe me, I am Emrys. Did I forget to mention that I am also Dragoon the Great? It is he who is the old man that you saw. An ageing spell was all it took. I most definitely am Emrys. And now, I must complete my destiny."

I threw my hand out in front of me, and, catching Morgana unawares, shot her backwards through the air. She landed on the ground with a loud thump. She quickly got back to her feet, and retaliated. Around us, I could hear the sounds of the battle going on. It had finally started. The end was upon us.

There was a shout as one of our soldiers was blasted with magic. Damn it. I had forgotten about the other spell casters. I quickly and silently erected a faintly shimmering, almost invisible shield over Camelot's army, one that would not impend on the fighters in any way. Then I got back to my fight with Morgana.

By this time, she had summoned a large ball of energy, which was currently swirling in her hands. She shot it towards me, but it was no sooner released than it was blasted out the way by Aithuasia. '_Go, and help Camelot'_ I told him and Kilgharrah with my mind.

Soon Morgana and I were quickly exchanging regular shots, but neither of us could land a hit on the other. Then, suddenly, Morgana, instead of firing at me, fired at Arthur. For some reason, the shield didn't block it. He must have been outside of its range. It was so sudden; I didn't even have time to react. He was down, and wasn't getting up.

I let out a roar of fury, and summoned all of my magic, every last drop. I didn't care about anything right now, other than the fact that _Morgana hurt Arthur!_ That was the only thought my brain would comprehend.

Once I had all my magic, I let it out in one go with an almighty yell, and then fell to my knees. When I looked up, I saw that the Morgana's army was completely gone. There wasn't a single soldier left. Morgana herself was just a pile of smoking ashes. I had obliterated them all.

'_Arthur' _I was my only thought '_get to Arthur.' _

I got up and stumbled towards him, passing people I knew but didn't remember. Remembered but my brain didn't comprehend.

I reached his side, and dropped to my knees next-to him. He was unconscious, unsurprisingly, and had a large wound in his side that was bleeding freely, as if he had been gored by a large animal with tusks of some kind. The puddle of spilled blood from it was large, so large that I was kneeling in it, and it was still spreading outwards steadily.

I reached out with a trembling hand and probed the wound. Arthur groaned, clearly not as out of it as I had thought.

"Sorry, Arthur" I said "But this is going to hurt"

I had never been much good at healing spells, but I had to do this. There was no choice in the matter. This _had_ to work.

I poured every remaining spark of my magic down my arm, through my hand, and into the wound. I ignored the cries of surprise from the audience gathered behind me as Arthur's wound began to close. I felt both Kilgharrah and Aithuasia lend me their magic so I didn't pass out from exhaustion, either magical or physical, and finally, the wound was completely healed.

I sat back on my heels and wiped my hand across my forehead, as Arthur slowly opened his eyes and looked around in confusion. I swayed unsteadily as the exhaustion from the day caught up with me.

"Merlin?" Arthur asked me "what did you _do_?"

"Ummm…."

I didn't know where to start. Morgana? The dragons? The battle?

My magic?

I opened my mouth to start talking - about what I wasn't sure - and felt an odd sensation. A sudden warmth in my chest. Someone gasped. It may have been me. I looked down and saw a sword poking through my chest.

Someone had stabbed me.

Everything went silent as I swayed, and was gently caught by Gwaine, the only one not frozen in panic. He, somehow, managed to pull the sword out of me and laid me on the ground without panicking or shaking too much.

Inside my head, I was making connections. I had destroyed the whole of the opposing army, I realised numbly. So, I had to have been stabbed by someone on our side. Someone from Camelot. After all I had just done. Even with my magic, I had still saved Camelot. And this was my only thanks.

Now, it was Arthur's turn to kneel next-to me. He looked at me sadly. I was dying, and we both knew it. Not even magic could save me now. He took my hand.

"I'm sorry, Arthur" I told him.

"You have nothing to be sorry for" he told me "I had always known you were hiding something from me, and I waited for you to tell me in your own time. I just wasn't expecting something quite this big. But I would have waited forever."

There was a pause when we just looked at each other. Then Arthur asked

"Was it true? What you said to Morgana? Was it true?"

"Every last word" I told him truthfully

"And Dragoon the Great?"

I snorted "Not the best false name I've ever come up with, I'll admit"

"You made me carry you!"

"You try walking that fast at eighty!"

"Idiot"

"Prat"

Even now, in my last moments, we were insulting each other. But I knew I hadn't long left. And I still had things I had to say.

"Kilgharrah?" I called. He approached, being careful to mind the soldiers.

"Yes, young warlock?" he asked

"What happens to the dragons when the last Dragonlord dies?"

"They either nominate another, or the dragons die." He said bluntly, for once not speaking in riddles, perhaps realizing how little time I had left.

"How do I nominate another?" I asked him.

"Simply tell me who it is you have chosen, and I will do the rest."

"And will they have magic, because of being a Dragonlord?"

"Indeed."

I glanced at Arthur, but knew immediately that he was not the right choice, and he seemed to know it too. I glanced round at the other knights, the ones from the roundtable in particular. I knew immediately who it would be.

"Gwaine." I called "Come here" he walked over quickly. Arthur looked at me incredulously. "Gwaine?" I asked him "how would you like to be a Dragonlord? As my last gift to you? To have magic, and to help protect Arthur?"

"Merlin" he told me "It would be an honour."

"Then I choose Gwaine" I told Kilgharrah "to be my successor as Dragonlord"

In response, the Great Dragon learned over and breathed a fine mist over Gwaine. Then he said

"It is done. As soon as you, young warlock, pass on from this life, then the transfer will be complete."

I chuckled weakly "Then he won't have long to wait." I told them.

Everyone looked at me worriedly as I let out a shuddering breath. I hadn't noticed, but the pain had been getting steadily worse as the conversation had unfolded above me.

"Go to Gaius." I instructed my two best friends. "Gwaine - he can help you with your magic, as he did for me. Arthur - he can tell you the full story of everything I ever did with my magic to help you and Camelot. And remember, I forgave you for it all years ago."

I let out two tears as I felt the last of my life leave me.

"Goodbye, my friends. My best friends." I whispered with my last breath. I felt Arthur bend down next to me. The last thing I ever heard was his whisper in my ear.

"Goodbye, my brother."

If I'd have lived, it would have been different. But life happened.

**AN - so? what did you think? was it okay? this fic is several firsts for me, so i would really like some feedback please guys. it's my first Merlin fic, my first death fic, and also (possibly) my first multi-chap fic. which is my next point/question. would you like me to continue this? i already have a second chapter, which does need some tweaking, and the start of a third. i also have ideas for a possible sequel! so what do you think. please leave a review and tell me!**

**-APP**


	2. If He'd Have Lived

**WOW! I did not expect that much of a respose. Thanks to everyone who reads this! Special thanks to StarWritingFlute200 for reviewimg, and an EXTRA special thanks to Tayaty47, who not only reviewed, but also gave me fantastic advice, and inspired me to write this more quickly. So thanks. You ROCK!**

**Warning - one naughty word. i'm sorry. i don't usually use that kind of language in stories, but i felt that the scene merited it.**

**Disclaimer - I do not own merlin (no, you dont say...)**

If He'd have lived, it would have been different. Different things would have happened. Different conversations, different actions. That's all I know.

I dream about it. It's not surprising, considering it's only been a week. I dream about it, about him. Every night.

And I remembered him. It. That Bastard. The one who had killed him. I remembered what I had done to him, how I had picked up my blade, in a blind fury, and run him through without a second thought. Like he had done to Merlin.

I remembered how I didn't regret it, even now. Even now that I knew he had been just a peasant who had come to help us out, but who had had such a strong hatred of magic, he automatically killed every sorcerer he ever could.

Once upon a time, I would have been pleased with that behavior, maybe even have rewarded it. That time was not now.

I'd thought it strange when he asked me not to think too badly of him. That surprised me. I could never think badly of him. Ever.

Especially not now.

I remember it, every night, griping his hand tightly as he died, his last request of both me and Gwaine. His best friends.

That was what he'd called us. His best friends. And then I had realised, he was more than my best friend. He was, in effect, my brother. And I told him so. And I swore he heard me, and smiled as he died.

What would my father have thought have that, I wonder. Me, considering a servant my brother.

My brother in all but blood.

Oh Merlin, I miss you.

And what was he thinking? That stunt of his? Making Gwaine a Dragonlord? Of all people? Gwaine? His last joke on me, his final farewell, if you will. Giving Gwaine magic. Oh Merlin, you have a lot to answer for.

Even more so, now that I know how much he has done for me over the years. We went to see Gaius, the day after…_it_ happened, me and Gwaine, like Merlin had asked us to, and he'd told us everything. And I mean everything.

He told us about Lady Helena and Valiant, about the Afanc and Edwin, about Sofia and the Wrath, and the Unicorn and The Questing Beast. And Nimeuh. And this was all just within his first year here!

He told us of Cornelias Sigan, who Merlin had mentioned to Morgana, of the Troll, the Witchfinder, the Great Dragon and Balinor, not to mention Innumerable Immortal Armies and a Sword or two. Goblins, Evil Bracelets, Dorocha, Nine-Headed Snakes, Evil Spirits and Future-Seeing Crystals all had a mention as well.

And Freya. Poor, poor Merlin and Freya, who had been willing to sacrifice everything for their love for each other. When that particular story was finished, I sat back for a minute on my chair, feeling horrible writhing, gut-twisting guilt swirl around inside me.

Until I remembered some of Merlin's final words. _'I forgave you for it all years ago.' _I chocked out a laugh. He really did-had known me all too well. But it didn't stop me feeling so horribly guilty.

Then Gaius had gone into Merlin's room, and come back with two things, a large book and a small wooden sculpture. He had given the book to Gwaine and the sculpture to me. To Gwaine, he had said

"This was Merlin's magic book, how he originally learned magic all those years ago. He didn't need to use it any more, but he kept it anyway. It was one of his three most prized possessions."

Then he turned to me.

"You, Arthur" he told me "Hold another." I looked down at the carving in my hands, and found that it was of a dragon. I looked up to find Gaius scrutinizing me closely. He said

"That was carved by Balinor, Merlin's father, and given to him on the day Balinor died. Merlin always said that if anything ever happened to him, he wanted you to have it, whether or not you would understand the significance of it"

Meaning, whether he had told me about his magic or not. Gaius was still talking

"The third item which I talked about" he said "was not a physical object. It was his friendship with you two, and it was the most important thing he had. Originally, he shared it with Lancelot, too, but after he died, you two only became all the more important to him."

There was a pause.

"He…he called us his best friends." I chocked out "And then…then I realized he was more then my best friend. I called him my brother."

I started to cry, I broke down, in front of one of my knights and the man who was like a sort of substitute father to me, but I didn't care, because Merlin was gone, he was gone, and he wasn't coming back. And I cried.

I cried for all the times I called him an idiot, and all the times he'd called me a prat. I cried for our lost banter, our friendship, our weird sort of brotherly love. I cried for Merlin.

And Gwaine and Gaius had cried too.

It hadn't been the first time I had cried over his death, and it certainly hadn't been the last, either. One other time, that had really stood out in my mind when I thought about it, was with Gwen. I had forgotten, but Merlin had been Gwen's first ever best friend, not to mention her first crush, but she'd gotten over him years ago. That didn't mean, however, that Gwen had gotten over Merlin's death quickly, rather, I still woke up to find her crying into her pillow. I tried to comfort her, but I wasn't what she wanted.

Merlin was.

And I didn't blame her, nor was I jealous. We all wanted him back. And all knew it wasn't going to happen. Merlin was gone.

Everyone in the castle was affected by his death. The maids in the kitchen, the servants on the stairs, even the counsel members, who had become used to see Merlin in the meetings now, sometimes even participating. None of them ever smiled now. No-one did. Least of all those who had known him well.

Like me.

The tension in the castle was unbearable.

It was worse at his funeral. His mother, Hunith, was there. We had carried his body back from the field, me, Gwaine, Percival, Elian, and Leon. I had offered her the torch, to light the pyre, but she had simply said "You should do it."

So I had.

I couldn't just let him go, though. I had to say something. It hadn't sounded right, in my head, but people understood all the same.

"Today, we remember a great man. A great warlock. A great friend. I have known him now for eight years, and never have I once met a braver, more courageous, and most importantly, more loyal friend, than I found in Merlin.

He selflessly risked his life, over and over, to save Camelot, sometimes single-handedly. I treated him badly sometimes, I will admit, and I would take it all back just to have one more day with him. With Merlin Emrys, the most powerful magic user to ever walk this land, one of the last Dragonlords, and my brother in all but blood."

It was then that my façade cracked. I turned to face the pyre, torch in hand.

I carefully lit it, and then moved to stand beside Gwen and the knights, who were crying, unabashed, for this warlock, this peasant from Ealdor, who had touched all of our lives, our hearts and changed us forever. For the better.

"Goodbye, Merlin."

If he'd have lived, I thought as I stood there, watching the body of my brother burn, if he'd have lived, it would have been different. I would have made him my court sorcerer. We would be happy, now that Morgana was gone. But, we wouldn't have admitted the depth of our friendship. And that was something that I was glad had happened. I would never forget him.

It would have been different, if he'd have lived. But life happened.

**wow, that took longer than i expected to proof read. sorry about that. now, important question. do you want me to leave it here, or write another chapter and then a sequel? if even one person wants me to keep going, then i will, if only for that one person. so please review! you might just be that one person...**

**-APP**


	3. But He Had Lived

**AN: OH MY GOD I'M SO SORRY! it's been more than a week! and i promised some of you that the chapter would be up monday! I'm so sorry! in my defense, my internet broke on sunday and was only fixed this morning, and then i had school, and to proof-read the thing, which took _ages_, and I'm so sorry! so, to make it up to you, I included a whole load from Gwaine's point of view. EXTRA! completly unplanned! so i am sorry for any slightly poor quality that may be as a result of that. thank you to 626, Taytay47, izziewright98 (Guest), Guest, and angleblackdumbledore who all reviewed. you're all so awesome! thank you also to everyone who added this story or me to their alerts or favourites! i woke up the day after posting that last chapter to find my inbox almost overflowing (metaphorically) with FanFiction notifications! so thank you so much to you all! now, after that stupidly long authors note, on with the chapter! see you at the bottom!**

**Disclaimer - not mine!**

* * *

_Gwaine, the battlefield, one week ago_

Merlin was dying. That was all I could think about. Merlin was dying, and I was powerless to do anything about it.

Only moments earlier, the other knights and I had stood there, open-mouthed, as Merlin made such outrageous comments and put on such a power display you wouldn't believe it!

I mean, I had known about his magic, but this…

And then he had saved Arthur's life. Even though the man might have killed him, Merlin still saved him. That must have taken incredible bravery.

Then Arthur had _sat up_. Only minutes before, he had been lying unconscious on the ground, bleeding to death, and now he was sat up talking seriously to Merlin as if nothing had ever happened!

I was so busy thinking about what had been done, Merlin's exclamations on the battle field, and the sheer amount of raw power that he must hold inside that small frame of his, among other things, that I didn't notice a peasant charge past me, sword out, screaming bloody murder, and _heading straight for Merlin!_

No-one had had time to do anything at all as the sword had embedded itself into Merlin's back, and the peasant had stepped back, grinning in a satisfied way.

There was a dead silence on the field as Merlin swayed and I quickly leapt forward to catch him, my hands still unbelievably steady as I gently pulled the protruding weapon from my friends back, and lay him on the ground. I stepped back to give him and Arthur some privacy.

The king knelt where Merlin had previously, their roles reversed in a display of fate that no-one could believe.

Merlin was going to die.

They appeared to hold a short conversation, before Merlin snorted and they both laughed.

Merlin then called out a word that at the time had been unfamiliar, but that I now knew to be the dragon's name, Kilgharrah.

The great dragon approached him, and they held a quick conversation, before Merlin and Arthur glanced at each other, and Merlin slid his gaze onto all of the round table members, but namely me in particular. "Gwaine." he called out to me "Come here."

I did so, because by now I had realised that I would follow this boy to the end of the earth, and even stay there if he asked me to. He held my absolute loyalty.

"Gwaine." he asked me "How would you like to be a Dragonlord? As my last gift to you? To have magic, and to help protect Arthur?"

I had thought for a brief second that he was joking, until I realised that Merlin was dying and deadly serious. "Merlin." I told him "It would be an honour."

I looked up in time to see Arthur's disbelieving expression, followed by a half-annoyed half-amused look at Merlin, followed by and approving one. Meanwhile, Merlin was speaking to the dragon. I decided that I should probably pay attention, seeing as this mighty beast would soon be under my command.

"Then I choose Gwaine." he was telling Kilgharrah "to be my successor as Dragonlord."

Then the dragon leaned over to me, and after a brief hesitation, breathed a fine mist over me. I was scared, for a minute, that it would roast me, but the fog was merely warm. The odd thing was, I now felt stronger, rejuvenated, as if I hadn't been fighting a battle at all.

The dragon then said "It is done. As soon as you, young warlock, pass on from this life, then the transfer will be complete."

Merlin laughed weakly "Then he won't have long to wait." I hoped he was joking, but judging by the way he looked and the wheezing breath he had just taken, he was being serious. Then, he gestured Arthur and I closer.

"Go to Gaius." he told us "Gwaine-" he addressed me "he can help you with your magic, as he did for me." That was right, I had forgotten I would have magic now. Then he spoke to Arthur "He can tell you the full story of everything I ever did with my magic to help you and Camelot. And remember, I forgave you for it all years ago."

That seemed like a bit of an odd comment to make, but I figured there must be a reason or he wouldn't have said it. Merlin looked even worse now. Two tears were rolling down his cheeks as he looked up at us. Then I heard his voice in my head 'Gwaine, I'm scared.'

That sentence nearly broke me. I wanted to say something, to reassure him, but I couldn't find the words. I wasn't even sure that the message had been on purpose, but I didn't care. Merlin so rarely told anyone what he was really feeling that I was glad even to have this little insight into him.

Then he looked at us, and you could see in his face that he knew it was the end. "Goodbye, my friends, my best friends." he whispered, and my heart nearly broke. You could hear his voice, so full of pain, leaving him.

Arthur bent down next to him a whispered something in his ear, but I didn't care, or try to listen in. At one point I would have, but now I just…couldn't. Instead, I watched as the last spark of life left Merlin's eyes, as he left us.

I couldn't say anything. I couldn't move. I couldn't even cry. I just sat there, next to the empty shell that had been my best friend, and looked at him. Slowly, Arthur had reached out and shut his eyes, before slowly standing up.

"Leon, Percival, Elyan," he called, sadness lacing his voice "take Merlin up to the castle. Honour guard. Take Gwaine with you." I looked up at the mention of my name to see the other three glancing worriedly between me and Merlin.

"I want to carry him." I said. There were no arguments. Carefully, I picked up Merlin's body, hugging him close to me, and began the long walk up to the castle, cradling his body carefully in my arms.

From there my memory jumps around a bit. I remember entering the castle with his body in my arms, seeing Gwen, who screamed, and Gaius, who looked disbelievingly on. Carefully, I had handed the boy who had effectively been his son over to him, and trudged of to my room without a word.

Then, nothing for a bit, Leon coming to check up on me, then Percival, then Elyan. I don't think I said or drank anything for about three days, only getting up to eat when I had to, and avoiding others whenever possible.

Then one day, Arthur came to see me "Come on," he said "we're going to see Gaius." Gaius. Going to see Gaius. Like Merlin had told us to. That sparked a response in me, and I slowly stood up, and together, we made our way to Gaius' chambers. When we got there, he looked calm and collected, which shook a bit of sense into me. We went inside, and Arthur told him of our last request from Merlin.

Slowly but steadily, he told us everything. I didn't really take in most of it, but bits of it jumped out of me. How often Merlin really had saved Arthur's life. The bits about Balinor, a Dragonlord and Merlin's father. And above all, Merlin's unwavering loyalty to Arthur throughout everything.

At the end of it all, Arthur sat back in his chair for a minute with a twisted, conflicted expression on his face, clearly thinking about something that had just been said.

Then suddenly, he choked out a laugh, and said nothing. I didn't push him, as it had clearly been a private moment.

Then Gaius went into Merlin's room, and come back with two things, a large book and a small wooden sculpture. He gave me the book and Arthur the sculpture.

"This was Merlin's magic book" he said to me "how he originally learned magic all those years ago. He didn't need to use it any more, but he kept it anyway. It was one of his three most prized possessions." I looked down at the book in my hands in awe. Gaius was now talking to Arthur, but I wasn't paying attention, to busy studying the beautiful book in my hands. It was magnificent.

Suddenly, Gaius was talking to both of us again."The third item" he was saying, and I realised that the second must have been the small carving, that I now recognised to be a dragon, clutched tightly in Arthur's hands.

"The third item which I talked about, was not a physical object. It was his friendship with you two, and it was the most important thing he had. Originally, he shared it with Lancelot, too, but after he died, you two only became all the more important to him."

There was a pause. I didn't know what to say. Luckily, Arthur filled the silence.

"He…he called us his best friends." he said, and I remembered when he had, his pale face, his wide eyes. Arthur was still talking "And then…then I realized he was more then my best friend. I called him my brother." he said

Then Arthur started to cry, and I couldn't say I blamed him. I don't know why he cried, but I know why I cried. I cried for him. For Merlin. I cried for all the times he had rescued me from the pub, all the times he had told the bar that Arthur would pay, all the while grinning that infectious grin of his, and all the times he had thrown himself recklessly headfirst into danger. I cried for my lost friend, and now fellow Dragonlord.

That reminded me. I needed to speak to Gaius about that, and the dragons themselves. Before I had the chance to mention it to Gaius, however, he was shooing us out the door, saying he had a lot of work to do.

Arthur dropped me off at my room on the way back to his, and I sat on the bed, staring at the book. I realised with a start that I hadn't actually looked inside it yet, to see what kind of spells it might contain. Now that I thought about it, I could hardly stop myself, eagerly, but yet still gently, opening the large front cover of the book I would treasure forever.

Surprisingly, as I opened the book, a small scrap of paper fell out. I picked it up and immediately recognised the writing on it as Gaius'. Curious, I straightened it out. It read;

_Gwaine_

_You may have realised not have realised, but you do _

_need to go and see the dragons, preferably soon. _

_Come to my rooms tonight, after the night bell tolls._

_Make sure you are alone. I will take you to them. Do _

_not bring anything with you._

_Gaius_

* * *

I arrived at his rooms not long after the bell had rung, as the note had directed. Gaius was there, wrapped in a large travelling cloak. When he saw me, he nodded, and said "I didn't think it was best to mention the dragon in front of Arthur quite yet. For one thing, we don't now know for certain his views on magic, though it's obvious they will have changed, and for another, he hasn't even got over the fact that Merlin had magic yet, let alone that you do as well." he spoke Merlin's name without stumbling, which I found a little….peculiar, but I didn't say anything.

We left the castle and travelled through the woods for about an hour, neither of us saying anything. I was too nervous about meeting the dragons to talk, anyway.

Then suddenly, we came across a clearing where…oh, god, the two dragons were sitting in the clearing where we stood. At Gaius' request, I hadn't brought anything with me, not even my sword, so I was completely defenceless against these mighty creatures of myth and magic.

As if reading my thoughts, the great dragon chuckled. "I will not harm you, Sir Gwaine, Knight of Camelot, and Dragonlord. Come closer."

I did so hesitantly. As I got nearer, I could feel something…humming? Humming in me, reacting to the dragon's presence.

The dragon laughed again as a peculiar expression crossed my face.

"That, Sir Gwaine, is you magic" he told me. Oh. That was new. I had sort of…forgotten about my magic, in light of Merlin's death and everything.

"Now" the dragon continued as if nothing had happened "you, Sir Gwaine, hold a powerful gift. The gift of magic. And the power of a Dragonlord. One of the last Dragonlords, in fact."

"Hold on." I said "One of the last?"

"Indeed." the great dragon said. I waited for him to elaborate, but nothing was said. After a few minutes of waiting, I decided that the stupid thing wasn't going to talk, so moved onto another topic.

"How do I control my magic?" this, I figured, was really quite an important question, and one I really wanted to know the answer to.

"Soon" the dragon said "Soon you will have some guidance. Another to help you, one very similar. But you will have to wait for him. Until then, study the magic book Gaius gave you, but do not experiment too much. Unfortunately, we cannot help you, like we could Merlin, as he had some experience and you do not. This is not a fault on your part, rather, it is the chance of fate, but it does not help matters.

"Thank you." I said. I couldn't deal with any more about Merlin just now, not with his…his funeral just around the corner. Even if I did have a sort of suspicion about that.

* * *

_Merlin_

The last things I saw were my two best friends. No, my best friend and my brother.

The last thing I heard was Arthur's whisper "Goodbye, my brother."

My last deliberate action was to smile at his admittance. I hoped he'd seen that.

My last conscious thought was that I would see Freya again.

Freya. Oh, how I'd missed her. I woke on the bank of the lake of Avalon, with her watching over me.

"Freya!" I gasped, and I hugged her.

"Merlin!" she said, her voice as equally filled with joy.

We must have sat there for several hours, before I asked her "So what happens now?"

She looked sad at this "Merlin" she said gently, and subconsciously, I knew what was coming "Merlin, it is not yet your time. You have fulfilled most of your destiny, but there is still some to come. Arthur has yet to unite the lands of Albion, and needs you at his side to do so."

"But Freya!" I was panicking. "But Freya, what if he executes me? Or worse, banishes me? I don't think I could do that, return to life, have to leave you, only to be shunned by my main reason for doing so. It would kill me as effectively as any sword or axe!"

"He needs you, Merlin." she said again "He needs you to protect himself and Camelot, even if he does not know it yet. And now he knows of your magic, it will be even easier. You will not have to lie to him, and your bond as brothers of destiny can only grow from here. He needs you."

I didn't really have to think about it. I knew my decision. There had never been another option, really.

"I'll go back" I told her "I don't want to, but I think I have to. I will miss you, Freya. Every single day of my life."

"I will miss you too, Merlin" she said softly.

"When you get back, you won't be completely healed." she told me "Only your magic and the stab wound will, and the rest you will have to recover from in your own time."

"Goodbye, Freya"

"Goodbye Merlin."

I will never forget Arthur's expression as I shot into a sitting position on the pyre, facing him. It was the first thing I noticed, along with the expression on the faces of the knights, who appeared to be…were they _crying?_ Oh god. It appears I had made more of an impact than I had thought, even with my magic.

The next thing I noticed was that the pyre was on fire.

"Ahhhhh! Hot!" I yelled

Arthur just stared.

Unsurprising really, considering I had just come back from the dead, but still, he could have helped.

I used magic to kill the flames, and climbed down from pyre. I walked over and stood in front of Arthur.

"So…" I said "Missed me?"

I swear for a minute I thought he was going to hit me, but then he did the complete opposite, and hugged me.

It was after that that he hit me.

"Ow!" I complained grumbling, pulling my arm away from his. "What was that for!?"

He looked at me like I was an idiot.

"_That,_" he said, still looking as though he expected to wake up from a dream at any moment, "That, was for making us think you were dead for a _week_! A _week_, Merlin. We thought you were dead!"

"A week?" I questioned, shocked. "Wow. Time must pass really fast there."

"Where, Merlin?" asked Gaius, coming up behind me. I had mostly ignored the rest of the full courtyard, but now my attention had been brought back to the shocked-looking but smiling knights and the gaping servants and townspeople.

"The Lake of Avalon!" I said blithely, ignoring everyone but the two of them "Where else?!"

"The Lake of…..!" Gaius began, but I cut him off, remembering Freya's words, and speaking directly to Arthur

"In about five seconds, I need you to catch me." I told him. He looked alarmed.

"Why?"

"Because I'm going to faint from exhaustion" I told him, as I did exactly that.

* * *

_Arthur_

I quickly stooped to catch Merlin as he fainted, and was surprised to find that he weighed hardly anything. I looked up from his pale face as the Knights of the Round Table gathered around us, anxious to know what had happened. Surprisingly, the least surprised-looking of the lot of them was Gwaine, but I figured he must just be hiding it better than everyone else. I quickly gave them orders. "Gwaine, Percival" I barked "take Merlin to Gaius' rooms, quickly. Leon, Elyan, sort this crowd out, keep them calm, send them home, whatever. Just…sort them out" I repeated lamely. I then followed after Gwaine, Percival, and Gaius, who had disappeared with Merlin as soon as my orders had been given. I needed to talk to them, Merlin and Gwaine in particular.

When I got down there, it was to find Merlin, still unconscious, lying on the examination table with Gaius looking over him, Gwaine and Percival hovering nervously in the background.

"Gaius, how is he?" I asked. I was still getting over the fact that Merlin was actually alive, and wanted A) confirmation that he really was alive, and B) answers as to how.

"Other than some small scrapes and bruises, and his obvious exhaustion, sire, he appears to be perfectly fine. No sign of his sword wound at all, not even a scar."

"And his…..magic?" I was anxious to ask. Gaius hesitated slightly, before saying "I can't tell…" before Gwaine cut him off

"I can feel it." he said. He looked slightly…uncomfortable. "His magic, I can feel it. It's reacting with mine. Possibly because he gave it to me, or it may just be a Dragonlord thing, to help them identify each other."

I looked to Gaius, to see if he had any answers, but Gaius wasn't paying any attention to us.

Rather, his attention was focused on Merlin, who was slowly blinking his way back into consciousness beneath us.

* * *

_Merlin_

I wasn't sure whether or not I really wanted to wake up, to find out Arthur's reaction, but in the end, something inside of me decided that I was being stupid, so slowly started to wake me up. I opened my eyes to see Gaius, Gwaine, Percival and...Arthur. They were all looking down worriedly at me, which I hoped was a good sign. I opened my mouth to speak

"Hi...?"

* * *

I should have died. But destiny interfered, and life happened.

* * *

**AN - TADAA! That's it. i apologise for the cliffhanger. its over. except its not. HAHA! all will return in the sequel, BROTHERS OF DESTINY, which will involve Mordred, Magic, Merlin, Magic, Arthur, Magic, Gwaine, Magic, Gaius, Magic, The Dragons, and Magic. Oh, and did i mention the magic? pranks should also feature largely too. if there is anything you want me to/think i should include, then leave a review and tell me! I'm open to suggestions, as at the moment the plot is only really basic. however, don't expect the first chapter for about two weeks, as i am getting loads of homework at the moment (GCSE Year).**

**also, to make it more interesting, i will be excepting lines from you lovely people that you want me to include in the next fic at some point. feel free to make them as silly or as thought provoking as you like! some examples of ones i will DEFINATLY be using are below**

**- Merlin, what are you wearing?**

**- Arthur what are you wearing?**

**- Gwaine, what on earth were you doing with that parrot!**

**- do i want to know what the two of you were doing?  
no!**

**- nice hat!**

**- the tower of doom**

**- i miss him/her**

**- i will destroy you!**

**there are some to start you off! have fun, and enjoy! i know i will!**

**-APP**


	4. AN - SEQUEL UP!

**AN - THIS IS NOT A NEW CHAPTER - I am sorry :(**

**This is just a note to tell you that THE SEQUEL IS UP! WOOHOO! **

**The first chapter of **_**BROTHERS OF DESTINY**_** is up now, and the chapter title is….No Magic or No Us.**

**So…go along and read it. Updates are every Thursday at the least. No idea how long it will end up being, but if people are reading it, I will keep writing it. So review and let me know you're reading it! Even more so if you're liking it!**

**Remember - my lines challenge is still up. Please enter! I enjoy the challenge of who can come up with the craziest lines. And remember, I promise to use all of them - no matter how wacky or strange!**

**See you soon - sooner if you review me (do you think I got the message across yet!? :D)**

**-APP**


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